I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
