problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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