I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
