That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
