Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
