shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
