She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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