Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
