So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
