best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize