that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
