Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
