im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
its liver damage thursday
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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