I'm going to jail i love you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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