Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
