He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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