You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
