I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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