the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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