he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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