the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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