he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i drank out of a bidet.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
