A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
