I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
