my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize