New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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