I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
