wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
