I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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