The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
