Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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