You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The best revenge is premature balding
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
