she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
