oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
