And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
