Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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