Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize