he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
