He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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