Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize