I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
