ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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