If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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