We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
