I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
