Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize