I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
