i think my mom watched the whole time
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
