Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
