You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
how drunk are you?
Several
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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