I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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