every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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