I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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