walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
