Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
