my vag is so smooth its legendary
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
