so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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