he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
