Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
