She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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