Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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