i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize