Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
