We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
