im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
