When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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