one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
