So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
