I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
