just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
