Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
