Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
