so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
