She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
