Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
