After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
