do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
